Do you feel like the spark has gone out in your romance? Has lovemaking become a chore instead of a pleasure? Ask yourself this: when was the last time you tried something new with your partner? Introducing a little novelty can work wonders for reviving your relationship. It’s never too late to shake up your love life. Forget the rules—and create your own.
- Keep boredom out of the bedroom. As a urologist, I cannot emphasize this point enough: do everything in your power to prevent lovemaking from becoming a dull routine. Nothing will bring passion and romance back to a long-term relationship faster than a change in sexual practice or venue.
A fifty-five-year-old patient of mine had been married to a woman he loved for twenty-seven years, and he had a bad case of sexual ennui. “Jack,” I said, “take Friday off and get your wife to cancel all her plans. Rent a cabin in the mountains for a weekend. You have not done anything spontaneous and romantic in years. Do it. Tune out the world. No kids, no phone, no television—just the two of you and a fireplace.” The weekend rejuvenated Jack and his wife, as similar escapes have done for countless couples.
- Give yourself permission to try something new. I have advised patients to take the afternoon off and surprise their wives with flowers and a sunset tryst in a motel. Other couples have done things like pretend they have just met and are having a one-night stand. Or they simply vary their rituals. If you have been initiating sex after you are both washed, undressed, and in bed, try doing it before all of those bedtime routines. When was the last time you and your partner undressed each other instead of starting out in your pajamas? When was the last time you necked in the living room and carried your partner into the bedroom? Or made love in the kitchen or the shower? Have you tried a different position in the last few years? Have you thought of using props? Browse in any sex shop and you will get countless ideas for how to invigorate your sex life. Above all, use your imagination and see what you come up with.
- Pay attention to your body’s rhythms. Fatigue affects sexual energy, so I encourage my patients to pay close attention to the ways in which their bodies respond to different emotional and physical conditions. It is fundamentally important that you be aware of your body’s rhythm. Your sexual responsiveness will change with stress, fatigue, anxiety, or illness. Your particular rhythms may be better suited to sex at unusual times of the day. Perhaps certain habits—for example, exercise, diet, and work schedules—are affecting your sex drive in negative ways. Pay attention to the subtle clues your own body transmits, and you will know where to start making changes. Explore all your options. Experiment, take risks, and mix things up until you find the right balance for your love life to flourish. What’s most important is not to feel burdened by sex. If your sex life is becoming run-of-the-mill and boring, then take the initiative to spice things up. You will not be disappointed by the results of reviving passion and romance in your relationship.
- Don’t confine sex to the nighttime. Some of my patients have to be told that it is okay to have sex at different times of the day. They have to be told that sex is not just a nighttime activity. Why engage in something as important as sex when your body is at its lowest energy level?
Morning sex is an especially good way to break the routine. What a terrific way to start the day! So what if you have to skip jogging, rush through breakfast, or get to work a bit late? Morning sex can be just as invigorating as a morning jog and just as relaxing as a cool morning breeze. It is the best wake-up call. It clears the spirit of any tension and shakes the cobwebs out of your body. In fact, a lot of men like sex better in the morning because they wake up with the so-called morning wood. The explanation for this morning erection is that a full bladder compresses the venous outflow from the pelvic vessels, holding blood in longer than usual. This can often result in a morning erection. Be assured that after morning lovemaking, you will like what you see in the mirror. You will have set the right tone for a great day.
- Look into alternative sex practices. Countless volumes have been written on this subject, from the Kama Sutrato articles in Cosmopolitan. I will not try to reiterate information that’s already available. However, ask yourself these questions: When was the last time you tried something other than the missionary position? Have you tried letting your partner get on top and control the action? Have you tried “doggy style”? How about not having intercourse at all but bringing yourselves to climax strictly with oral sex or mutual masturbation? The possibilities are endless. If you cannot conjure up some creative ideas on your own, do not be afraid to go out and find a book or ask a friend for some good tips.
Any change should add a fresh dimension to your routine. I can guarantee that both you and your partner will reap the benefits of a reinvigorated sex life.