Tell me if this sounds familiar:
Self-doubt leads to penis weakness: you can’t get or maintain an erection, or your sex is somehow unsatisfactory. This bad experience increases your self-doubt, which means that the next time you have sex, your anxiety level is even higher, making the chances of the problem repeating itself even greater.
This is a vicious cycle.
Most men who go to their doctors complaining of penis problems are either perfectly normal and don’t realize it, or are inflating their own difficulties by allowing themselves to get sucked into the “quicksand” of doubt.
It is amazing how much simple education and a strong dose of reassurance can do for men who suffer from self-doubt.
Why is PW So Prevalent Today?
I have witnessed an increased development of penis weakness over the last forty years. In my mind, it is worth analyzing the social conditions that have created this outbreak.
One could argue that it has always been this way, or maybe even worse. One could also argue that I have seen an increase in penis weakness in recent years only because men today feel more comfortable talking about it.
However, neither of these statements is correct. The truth is, there are powerful social and historical factors that have contributed to, and continue to create, penis weakness among men today.
Social and Historical Causes of PW
One factor that plays a major role in penis weakness is the increased level of stress found in modern society. Men in today’s business world work long hours without enough sleep, exercise, or relaxation. They are often psychologically drained and physically exhausted when they get home.
Add financial anxiety, pressure and nervousness caused by the rapid-fire pace of modern life, traffic jams, conflicts with bosses, coworkers, or clients, and problems with the kids, and one sees a picture of conditions that are not conducive to either maximum sexual performance or maximum happiness!
These effects are compounded by the media’s highly romanticized image of marriage and family life—an image that creates impossible expectations. It is difficult to be at your best at anything, especially sex, when you feel out of sorts physically or your mind is some place else and preoccupied by other problems.
Few factors have a more chilling effect on sex than anxiety. Stress, tension, and anxiety exact a heavy toll on an intimate relationship. These forces pollute the atmosphere and fill the bedroom with emotional toxins.
Stress has definite medical consequences that work against normal sexual function. During the stress response, blood moves away from the genitals to supply the large muscle groups of the arms and legs. Anxiety, including performance anxiety, can increase the activity of the sympathetic nervous system. Anxiety can boost the flow of norepinephrine, a chemical that constricts blood vessels. This is precisely the opposite of what is necessary for an erection—a smooth flow of blood to the penis through open vascular channels.
This problem is compounded when men use alcohol and drugs in an attempt to cope with stress. As Shakespeare wisely observed, alcohol “provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance.” The same is true of drugs, including nicotine and prescription medications. The drugging of the American male is a major factor in the decline of Penis Power™. The new craze over “Vitamin V” (Viagra) is hardly the solution.
To men who suffer from penis weakness, the women’s movement, for all its welcome advances, has also contributed to the problem. With increased awareness of female sexuality, female orgasm, and the generally open discussion of women’s sexual needs (by way of women’s magazines, the Internet, television, and films), men now have the added pressure of having to know all of the intricate secrecies of female sexuality. They are expected to perform with the expertise of a twenty-four-year-old pornography star.
For some men, this might not be a problem. Sex in general may still be smooth sailing. For most men, however, sex is an obstacle course—a track filled with snares and hurdles in which men score points for technique, as well as for getting to the finish line. The goal is not just to satisfy yourself, it is all about satisfying your partner. And, in many minds, the man has a responsibility not just to bring a woman to orgasm but to multiple, ecstatic, earth-shattering orgasms. Now that’s pressure!
So Now What?
There are ways to reduce stress and anxiety in the bedroom, and to make sex fun again. Look to my book and to future posts on this blog for details.