Every day on the Internet, I get six or more offers on how to make my penis, longer, wider, thicker, or more appealing. These ads promise to “satisfy my dreams.” They offer me some magic potion or some ridiculous surgery that uses a grafting material that “promises” to enlarge my penis.

In the oft-quoted words of my friend, Professor Thomas Lue of the University of San Francisco in California (UCSF), a world-class authority on erectile dysfunction, “The surgical ‘enlargement’ of the penis is no more effective than taking your penis and whacking it with a large wooden mallet, which essentially results in a flattened, squashed, and mangled ‘Polish sausage’ effect.”

There simply is no effective way of enhancing your penis size. The three oral erectile dysfunction drugs currently on the market (Viagra, Cialis, Levitra) only give one a firmer, but not a bigger, penis.

But What About Surgery?

One “penis enlargement” surgery that has been foisted on the consumer consists of nothing more than cutting the suspensory ligaments of the penis.

When cut, these ligaments, which attach to the undersurface of the pubic bone, give the appearance of length by allowing the penis to hang a bit lower. This optical illusion is produced at the expense of losing the erect “angle of the dangle”—meaning there is absolutely no length gained in the erect penis.

The other surgical penis extension technique that claims to increase penis length and girth involves applying grafted material (usually skin, fat, or a synthetic material) within the shaft of the penis. Unfortunately, this usually leads to an unsightly deformity. Furthermore, this procedure can cause serious and damaging complications.

Sorry, gentlemen, but there is no legitimate way to increase the length or width of the human penis. From the sincerest depths of my urologic heart, I pity the patient who tries.

Penis Size Is Determined At Birth

I cannot emphasize enough that the unique and individual size of every man’s penis is determined at birth by the size of the corpora cavernosumthe two chambers within the shaft of the penis that fill with blood during an erection.
If one thinks of the two corpora cavernosum as “sausage casings,” the size of these casings is predetermined by heredity. When filled with blood at the height of stimulation, both the length and the girth of each man’s corpora are fixed.

Even when surgeons implant a penile prosthesis in a patient with erectile dysfunction, we must custom measure and fit the implant to the exact dimensions of the existing corpora. We cannot insert a larger implant than the genetically predetermined size of the casing (corpora) can accommodate.

When the surgical quacks and adventurists of the world try to stuff the corpora with autologous fat or other grafting material, the result is not only hideous, but invariably results in permanent physical impairment.

Don’t Believe the Hype

As a urologic surgeon, my advice to the misinformed men out there is do not believe the “enlargement/ enhancement/bigger is better” ads appearing on the back pages of men’s magazines. They are totally illegitimate!

Rather, look down at that friendly organ hanging between your thighs, and be happy with it. If it functions well, then you have nothing to worry about.

Do yourself the favor of treating your penis as a friend. Protect it from the mutilation that will occur if you trust anyone who promises an unobtainable result. The most pathetic and saddest men I see are those who have been subjected to phalloplasty (the surgical enhancement of the penis) for the purpose of increasing length or girth.

The main problem with any kind of penile grafting or enhancement surgery is that the penis, unlike the breast, is not a static organ. It is quite easy to put an implant in a breast. The breast is one size, remains one size, and does not grow with excitement. The same can be said for nasal surgery, where something can be added, moved, twisted, or upturned because the nose is a static organ.

The penis is quite small and unassuming in its flaccid state. When aroused, it can grow to ten times its resting size.  We have not yet discovered a way of implanting a material that will expand and contract the way nature intended, and at the same time be physiological and aesthetically pleasing.

Penis Size Doesn’t Matter To Most Partners
The truth is that the issue of penis size is inconsequential in most relationships. The majority of women whom I have interviewed unanimously agree they have no preference in penis size, as long as it is firm and attached to a loving and kind person.

The notion that an enormous penis is somehow a sign of manhood or that having a horse-sized “member” will magically improve your love life is a myth that is propagated without shame throughout the mass media.

If men spent less time worrying about the size of their penises and more time learning how to use what they have more effectively, hucksters selling the illusion of happiness through penile enlargement would soon—and justifiably—find themselves out of business.

There is, however, one safe and foolproof method for instant penile enlargement:

Step 1: Go to your local stationary store.
Step 2: Buy a large magnifying glass.
Step 3: Unwrap it.
Step 4: Hold it over your organ and look down through the glass.

Voila! The Instant Penis Enlarger (IPE)!

Dudley S. Danoff, MD, FACS is the attending urologic surgeon and founder/president of the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center Tower Urology Group in Los Angeles, California. He is the author of Penis Power: The Ultimate Guide To Male Sexual Health (Del Monaco Press, 2011) and Superpotency (Warner Books).

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